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| The Secret of Self-Esteem |
Have you ever thought about what creates self-esteem? Having a deep sense of inner worth is essential to all of us, but many people have some false beliefs about what builds confidence in our merit as individuals.
Some of the common false beliefs regarding what creates self-esteem are:
* I will feel good about myself when I'm making $______(fill in the amount) a year.
* I will feel worthy when I am in a relationship with a (beautiful) (handsome) (wealthy) (loving) (fill in own) person.
* I will feel worthy when I get enough approval from enough people.
* I will feel adequate when I have a baby.
* I will feel adequate when_______( fill in the desired outcome that you attach to your sense of worth).
However, many people have all of the above and still do not feel deep self-esteem. That's because self-esteem has nothing to do with anything external, such as looks, approval, money, relationships with others, or having a baby.
Self-esteem, or the lack of it, is solely the result of treating ourselves. Those who attend to their feelings and needs with loving action on their behalf feel good about themselves, while those who ignore, invalidate, or judge their feelings and needs think badly about themselves.
For example, Anna grew up with hardworking and very caring parents about their children but who didn't take good care of themselves. Her parents smoked, drank too much, and didn't eat well. Neither of them took responsibility for their feelings, so both of them were anxious or depressed much of the time. Even though her parents loved her, Anna does not take good care of herself, having had no role modeling for personal responsibility; she doesn't eat well or get enough exercise, doesn't stand up for herself at home or work, and doesn't get enough rest or playtime. She is beautiful, makes lots of money, has a husband and children, yet often feels very insecure.
If you imagine that her feelings and needs are like a child within, you can begin to see why she doesn't feel good about herself. Treating herself poorly will always result in feeling bad. You might be tempted to think that she mistreats herself because she doesn't feel good about herself, and that's true, but she will not feel good about herself until she treats herself as a worthwhile person. Her good feelings will come from her loving action toward herself. The more loving action she is willing to take on her behalf, taking physical, emotional, financial, organizational, relationship, and spiritual responsibility, the better she will feel about herself.
How can Anna be motivated to take loving care of herself when she doesn't feel good about herself? It seems like a vicious circle, yet there is a way out. Anna doesn't feel motivated to take care of herself because she thinks she is her ego, the wounded part of herself whom she doesn't like. Yet if Anna opens to knowing who she is – that she is a beautiful and perfect child of God, that her essence, her true Self is a spark of God, created in the image of God – she will want to take loving care of this beautiful soul within.
When Anna begins to take loving care of herself, her wounded Self, the part of herself that has low self-esteem begins to heal. The more Anna feeds herself well, gets enough exercise and rest, speaks up for herself and tells her truth, takes care of her financial situation, organizes her time and environment, treats others with kindness and compassion, and opens to her spiritual Guidance or Higher Power, the better she will feel about herself. Self-esteem is the result of taking loving action, not its cause. Since we all have free will, we each choose to take loving action on our behalf.
It doesn't matter how badly you were treated as a child or how badly your parents treated themselves. Your actions need never be governed by your past. If you devote yourself, moment-by-moment, to taking loving action on your behalf, you will discover that the result is high self-esteem.
Photo: https://pixabay.com
